Today's post is a revision of a poem from our Art on the Move exhibit. Remember the painting of the snowy street scene? Well Pete's imagination helped him to see this as a one-of-a-kind snowboarding slope! The poem is about half of its original length, for Pete worked to sharpen the imagery and language in his poem by taking out words he didn't need. Don't be afraid to include suggestions in your comments for further revision! It's a wonderful poem that keeps getting more wonderful!
Snowboarding on the Rooftops
The sky pours snow,
It lies peacefully on the rooftops.
Soon to be ruined,
The board is sharp.
I flip and twirl through the air,
It felt like a dream.
I can't feel anything,
I'm not even there.
I'm ecstatic,
The end is near.
Soon I will need to jump,
When there are no more roofs.
I'm on the final roof, I squat down,
I'm ready to soar.
My body glides through the air,
I'm in complete relaxation.
The air swooshes by my ear,
The sound of nothing echoes throughout the sky.
The ground looked awful rough,
But I never landed.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
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8 comments:
This poem was amazing, you should keep going with this. You're a really good writer.
Very nice job Pete! I really like your poem. You are a future poet!
its awsome!!!! you really make ppl think a bit when reading the poem. its really well written! keep on going!
Sweet poem dude. I felt like i was in it
pete i love you and your poem
This is great! i felt like i was there. Nice work. You are a wonderfull writer so write more!
Pete,
The short lines work really well to make me feel like I'm moving with the board . . . Great job! Keep writing :)
Pete,
You have always been a great writer and humorous at times. This has inspired me to put in more details into my writing. I will remember this.
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